Hit the road, Jack

Time for a ROAD TRIP!!!  

:::squeals:::

My in-laws are getting a great pyrenees puppy (at 9 weeks, she's already almost 20 lbs!) and that puppy happens to be near Columbus, Ohio, which is where my awesome sis-in-law, Brittany, lives!  So, I invited myself to go.  Hah!  No, really, my in-laws love me, and I love them.  We all play world of warcraft together, so it just seemed natural to let me tag along.  And the hubster gets to come, too!  

:::squeals:::

It's like a mini-vacation!  Momma & Daddy-in-law, Mackenzie, Drew & me!  So, anywhoodles, I'll be a bit quiet till next week.  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

xoxo

p.s. don't you just love the word "anywhoodles?"  Ok, it's not really a word, but I saw it in the blogosphere somewhere and fell in love.  So, now it's a word.  :-P

p.p.s. I totally did a whoopsie and completely forgot to mention one of the most important facts on my last post!  God!  I got all wrapped up in my own little world of despair and pity party.  He's totally got my back, I know he does.  So, I know everything will work out in the long run.  I can't see where this road is headed, but that's ok, as long as God knows.  I know he wont give me anything I can't handle.

In a funk..

Have you ever been in a funk where all you want to do is... NOTHING?  Right now, I'm so overwhelmed with, well, life, that I can't even begin to think about doing anything.  Everything is making me go nuts - Mackenzie seems to be whining more than usual, the apartment looks even messier, my allergies are killing me, I feel trapped in this small apartment and I'm car-less today.  

I don't want this blog to be a whine-fest, but sometimes a girl's just gotta be real.  Ya know?  And currently, I want to pull my hair out!  I am thinking I should call up my doctor to see about switching my "happy pills."  Yes folks, I take anti-depressants.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  I've dealt with depression since 1996 and there's only one word for it.  It SUCKS.  And frankly, I don't think this wellbutrin is doing it's job.  So, please forgive me as I whine for a couple minutes.  Time for blog therapy!

In all reality, it's not that bad.  I am blessed beyond belief.  Our house sold in TWO WEEKS.  We have a wonderful little group of friends.  We are healthy and have wonderful families.  And we are going on a road trip to Columbus, Ohio tomorrow to see my wonderful sister-in-law and her husband!  I'm going with my in-laws on their trip to pick up a new great Pyrenees puppy!  So, yeah, life isn't horrible.  

I just look around the apartment, see everything strewn everywhere, and I freak.  I'm overwhelmed.  To-do lists are thrown out the window and full freak-out session is commenced.  I snap, I yell, I pout... it's not a pretty picture.  Then I play on Pinterest for a while to take part in a link-up and I see all these pretty things.  Pretty things that I want, but can't afford because, hellooo, we have a good chunk of debt to pay off and the budget is screaming NOOOO at me.  

I know, I know... take it one small area at a time.  I've heard it, I've preached it, but holy smokes, is it hard to live it!  So, my "plan" for the day is to take it easy, put my blinders on, get a shower (maybe a nice fresh feel will do a girl good) & eat a little something.  Then I gots to get the kitchen cleaned up and perhaps I'll work on organizing the office closet.

Whine-fest over.  For now.  ;-)

xoxo 

Oh, how pinteresting!

Happy Wednesday everyone!  I'm linking up (for the first time!) with The Vintage Apple today for some good, ol' pinning fun!  So here goes!

Source: google.com via Dawn on Pinterest

Source: archimedes16.polyvore.com via Dawn on Pinterest

Source: wanelo.com via Cierra on Pinterest

Source: nerdygirlmakeup.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Meghan on Pinterest

Source: via Shannon on Pinterest

Source: blogging2fun1041.blogspot.com via Joab on Pinterest

You can follow me on Pinterest here!  Hope you all have a fantastic "hump" day!

xoxo

"New" toys

So, I am in the middle of unpacking some boxes today, when I find my old barbie box - complete with Ken and Barbie.  My mom hung on to them all these years so that I could pass them on to my daughter some day.  

Now is "some day."

Mackenzie had a blast playing with them this afternoon, trying out the different outfits and playing with the fold down table and chairs in the case.  Yeah, it rocks.

Tonight, I went in to find Barbie topless and Ken dressed down to his skivvies, sitting at the table.  I asked Kenzie what she was playing with, then had to run to get Drew so that he could see.  It went something like this:

Me:  Kenzie, what are you playing with?
Kenzie: My play with the boobies.
Me: **silent giggles**  Drew, come here!  Kenzie, show Daddy what you got today!
Kenzie: My got some boobies!

Toddlers - gotta love 'em!  I'm dying over here with her language and blooming personality!

Yeah yeah, I know...

So, my catch up I had planned... didn't happen.  

....


Back off, alright!  I've been busy and then getting hurt and been busy again!

Maybe tomorrow if my day at work goes like it usually does - slowly.

Nighty night y'all!

xoxo

Slacking

Yeah, yeah, I know I have some catching up to do.  I have two days worth of Unglued challenge days to catch up on and a day of the Dietrich Bonhoeffer 40 day journey to read and reflect on.  But I have a semi-good reason for my slacking!

We decided NOT to move!

So, I got the keys to the new apartment, and after Kenzie's nap, we took a little walk over to go check it out.  Maintenance was there fixing the carpet in the back room, so I didn't take a really good look - just glanced through.  

I wasn't impressed.  I had to go take a second look with my sister-in-law to double check that I, indeed, did not see any linen closets.  So, no linen closets (I currently have two) and both the bathrooms were pretty much suckage.  No drawers under the sinks and the counters were UBER small.  

All that added up to me just saying that our neighbors can suck it and get over themselves.  I'm staying put!  I really didn't want to move all my stuff again anyway.  Maybe in a year, after our lease is up, we can find a house or duplex to rent.  Then I might be willing to move.  Depends on how "the neighbors" are.  

Then, we tried a new church today!  It is HUGE.  And I feel like a dumdum because I looked on their website, and up at the top in small print, had the times of services.  I thought it said Sundays 10am.  So, we get there a few minutes before 10 and it's packed.  We parked, like, a football field distance away, got inside and Drew said that he saw a sign saying service times were 9am and 11am.  Oops.  Yeah, their other campus starts at 10.  

But that's ok.  We got Mackenzie checked in to the children's area - which was really big and the gal in charge was super friendly.  Then we popped in for the rest of the message.  We missed all the worship, but we'll go back next week for the entire service.  :-)  The pastor was incredible.  I haven't been that captivated by a sermon in a LONG time.  So it was a nice change of pace.  I'm looking forward to next week!

And what made things a bit sweeter this morning was seeing an old friend from my Washington DC summer. I was only there for 2 1/2 months, I think, with the Nazarene program Youth in Mission, and he was there the entire summer.  But I got to know him a bit, found out he's from KC, too, and ended up keeping in touch.  Had a random bump at an ice cream place a few years ago, but hadn't seen him since.  Was a nice surprise to see him and his wife walk up to say hey this morning.  Ended up standing and talking for a good 15 minutes.  God is good!

So, yeah.. back to my slacking.  I'll work on it tomorrow and get Day 2 of the Unglued Challenge up.  Check back tomorrow and join me in discussion!  As for tonight, I'm off to watch The Hunger Games!  Eeee!

xoxo

Unglued

So, as I sit here in my office (one of the two days I come to work for my dad), I think about my life.  I feel like I have no control and I don't know what I'm doing.  I can't get a hold of my thoughts as they scramble around the inside of my head.  

I feel... I don't even know.

Then, as I was looking at my facebook feed, I saw a post by Scott & Kelli from K-Love.  It said:

Talking with Lysa TerKeurst about what makes us come Unglued and how to handle it.  Tell us what keeps you from coming unglued.

That's it!  That's what I feel: Unglued.

Many days, I start off great - then something happens & BAM.  Unglued.  I lose my temper with Drew, with Mackenzie, with anyone who happens to cross my path.

Then, the guilt comes.  I feel like such a horrible wife, a horrible mom, a horrible person.  I can't hardly stand to look at myself.  I beat myself up because I feel I deserve it.

But that's not the way God wants us to live.  That's not the way God wants me to live.

SO, I clicked on Lysa's name and up came her facebook page.  At the top, I saw a picture that had one word underneath - Unglued.  I clicked that and it brought me to a new facebook page.  There's a challenge - the Unglued Challenge.  Sounds interesting... I thought.  

So, I signed up.  It's a 5-day challenge - brought by one email a day.  It has excerpts from her book, Unglued, and real-life experiences that she has been through, all to come together to bring hope for a change.  We stuff, we explode, or react somewhere in between.  For me, I stuff & explode.  Stuff first, then when it becomes too much, I emotionally vomit over EVERYTHING.  Lysa's 5-day challenge will help - because, as she says, "God gave us emotions to experience life, not destroy it!"

So how about it?  Will you join me in this 5-day challenge?  If so, click here & click "the unglued challenge" at the top to find out more & sign up.  Then, each day after receiving the daily email, I'll blog my thoughts on it.  I encourage you to comment with your thoughts and insights as well!

xoxo

moving & library cards & crazyness

Here we are... zoomin along through August!  My baby is 3, my oldest nephew just started school today, & we are moving to a 1st floor apartment this weekend.

Sooooo not looking forward to that last bit.

I'll be "happy" when it's all over & done with.  Just gotta do it.  I haven't packed anything back up - and I'm debating whether or not I will.  We're just moving downstairs and across the courtyard.  I'll prolly just take my laundry baskets, pack em, & dump em.

I don't know if apartment living will ever live up to my high standard.  Moving from a house to an apartment is super-weird.  Neighbors.  Noise.  Taking groceries in.  No garage.  It's a hassle.  I guess I took for granted living in a house. 

Reality check!

I have something to look forward to though.  My wonderful sister (in-law) and her husband come for a visit from Ohio every year.  This year, though, they are making their trip later because she is working on her candidacy for her phd (yah, she's super smart!) - but will be here for Thanksgiving.  In fact, the whole family will be here!  First time in a few years that's ever happened.  So, that will be lovely.  

Still bumming that she wont be here to go to the Renfest - we are super nerdy and that is a yearly event we go to!  Someday, we will sew our own dresses and go all dolled up!

I'm gonna see about making a little roadtrip up to see her sometime after we move.  She's super stressing about the candidacy & I just miss her like crazy.  Even though we talk every day & play world of warcraft with our family together.  Did I mention we're nerds?  That's alright, I'll own it!

~~~

Library card!  I have one!  I have a Kindle and am pretty excited to check out some books for the kindle.  Too bad I have to put a hold on all my favorites - seems they are other people's favs, too.  Let's continue the nerd-talk... I'm a super big fan of Harry Potter.  I can't tell you how many times I read those books.  And now you can get them as ebooks!  :::dances little jig:::  

~~~

Crazyness is the name of my life these days.  I have NO idea what I'm doing.  And that's ok.  I think.  Gonna start potty training soon... omgomgomg... I have NO idea what I'm doing.  o wait, I said that already. 

Have you ever noticed how life doesn't wait for you to be ok or to figure out what the heck you're supposed to do?  It just keeps on spinning.  Just gotta remember that God is in control... if you let him.  Much easier said than done.  All I know right now is that I desperately need to find a new church home.  Maybe that will ease some of the crazyness that is my life.  

xoxo

Screaming

My body is screaming.

I started a new journey today.  Ever heard of C25K?  It's supposed to be able to turn a couch potato into a 5k running machine within 9 weeks.

Yeah... I think I need to do some more walking.  My body isn't a fan of me right now!

Normally, the only time I run is if someone is chasing me - or I want a cupcake carrot - or if I'm frantically searching for my daughter after she escaped the apartment the morning of her birthday looking for Drew & the car when he went to the grocery store for donuts & cupcakes (but I'll tell you about that one later) - like this:

Looks like it might take me a while to get this bootay back in shape.  Although, like my dad said to me this afternoon, I've never been a runner.  Might've been my heart, as we have no idea when the cardiomyopathy started or how it started, or it could just be that I've NEVER BEEN A RUNNER.

Let's change that!  My goal is to jog most of a 5k on my little sister's sweet 16th birthday, October 13th!  And it'll be for a good cause - so that's a plus!

What do you do for keeping in shape?  Any running tips for me?

Happy Tuesday!

xoxo

A little this, a little that

So, I am really bad at uploading pictures off my camera.  Like, really.  So, hang on to yer hats folks, you'll get some pictures of Kenzie's birthday party soon!  (Shut up, I know you're dying to see them!)

So, in the meantime, here are some random thoughts - because I like random and am probably one of the most random gals you'll meet.  ;-)

My neck hurts - I went to the chiropractor today, but it still hurts.

My neighbors are big, ol' douchebags.  Pardon the language.  Really, they are.  The day my grandpa died a few weeks ago, after we had JUST moved in, Kenzie was jumping in the kitchen and I was just tuning it out like I usually do because, you know, she always jumps.  And then BANG BANG BANG, "Gosh Dangit (I changed the language, they weren't so nice), stop it!!!!!!!"  Really?  So, then tonight, Mackenzie was running up and down hall and into the kitchen.  And whatdya know, they do it again.  Folks!  I pay just as much as you do and it's NOT QUIET TIME!  So, don't get yer panties in a wad!!  

We're probably moving (again) next weekend.  Yeah... not looking forward to it.

Did I mention my neck hurts?

I borrowed the first Harry Potter book from Amazon for my kindle and am halfway thru reading it.  I can't tell you how many times I've already read them.  I am kind of having a love affair with those books - great way to escape!  ;-)

My daughter is 3.  Where did time go??

Had some Peachwave with some lovely friends from my former church this afternoon.  It was fabulous.  Except, Kenzie didn't eat any of hers.  Weird kid - not liking sweets!  Is she mine?

So, there you have it.  A little view into my random mind... it's always spinning.  Now time to veg on the couch like a tater and read me some HP!

xoxo

3 Years

We've been on this journey 3 years now.  Ups & downs & lots of turns & zig-zags.  But it's been worth it.  Seeing our Mackenzie grow & blossom into a beautiful little girl has been such a blessing.

If you don't know or don't remember the story of how Mackenzie's birth day came to be, let me do some remembering for you...

Back in 2009, I was going into my 2nd year of coaching the colorguard team at the high school I graduated from in 2003.  I was pregnant - due in the middle of October - and was finally feeling good, aside from the swelling.  But the swelling was normal, right?  I thought so.. so I wasn't concerned.  Band camp was just wrapping up and we had a band/parent picnic dinner Friday evening, August 7th.  I had a picture taken with my assistant coach and saw that my face looked fat.  Weird.  Anyway... moving on with life - happy happy, I'm pregnant, not puking every day, multiple times a day - life was good.

That weekend, I got a horrible headache.  Like... bad.  Tylenol didn't help.  oh, back up a sec - thursday the 6th, I had my regular checkup with my doctor - the protein levels in my urine sample were elevated, so they made me take a big jug home (fun, lemme tell ya) and instructed me to do a 24 hr urine test.  I didn't want to do it at the office the next day and during band camp, so I asked if I could wait till the weekend and turn it in Monday - they said that was fine.  Ok - so headache. bad. tylenol didn't help.  Monday, I went to work, still had the headache.  Tuesday morning, I got up to take my shower, got the water running & all the sudden, I didn't know what I was doing.  I got my shower once I figured it out and drove the 30 minutes into my office.  I sat there with my head on the desk until about 9:30 or 10 when my dad said that I didn't look so good.  He took my blood pressure with his wrist cuff he had in his office.  Something like 190s/145s - I don't remember exact numbers, but it was high.  Too high.  He thought maybe his cuff was off, so he ran home to get the arm cuff.  Same numbers... what is going on??

Dad had me call the doctor, but my doctor didn't have any openings, so I explained what was going on - extreme headache since weekend, blood pressure says this - so they got me in with another doctor.  Dad zooms me out of the office and to the doctor (about 20 min drive for a normal person lol) and calls Drew on the way.  I collapse into a chair once inside and Drew walks in right as they called me back.  I stood up and tried to turn to head back and my foot kept getting stuck on the chair leg.  I couldn't get my body to function correctly.  I remember laughing about my "stupid foot" getting stuck.  The office had to call the lab to get my results of the urine test - while they did that, they had me get a sono from my friend, Mel.  She did some quick measurements - turns out something was wrong and she was behind in growth a little bit - but she was ok.  Mel wanted me off her table asap, afraid I would start seizing right there.  I got a wheelchair and was pushed back to the room where I got the biggest blow of my lifetime.  

I was sick - very sick.  I had what they called "pre-eclampsia" and they needed to deliver Mackenzie within the next 24 to 48 hours.  First thing I thought was "what about her brain??"  I had just been reading about development and that her brain wouldn't have had time to develop fully.  I went into a tailspin.  The lab reports came back - over 3000 - they flag it at 300.  Yes, that is three-zero-zero-zero.  Immediately, they sent me over to the hospital across the street and admitted me.  The last thing I remember is being wheeled into a room of some sort, being lifted onto a table and then telling them I thought I was going to throw up.  They handed me this little kidney-shaped bowl and I thought "whatever..."  I started throwing up and that's all I remember.

When I woke, I was in ICU - I don't know how long I was out - but I was filled in on details slowly.  I was not only PRE-eclamptic, but I went into the full mode with 3 grand mal seizures.  They called a code blue on me.  They didn't think I was going to make it.  Mackenzie was born via emergency c-section at 11:51 am.  She came out kicking and screaming - clearly not happy about the situation!  She would be spending the first 5 weeks of her life in the NICU, growing & getting stronger.  She had no real health issues, praise the Lord! She was 2 lbs 9 oz and a tiny 14 inches long.  She was beautiful.

I continued to have health problems.  The team of doctors could not get my blood pressure under control.  The only cure for pre-ecclampsia is to deliver the child.  But mine wasn't working correctly.  They finally got it under control within 4 days.  I finally got to see my angel baby.

Little did I know, I wasn't out of the woods yet.  Through all of the testing they had to put me through to figure out what was wrong, they discovered something else.  A little thing called Postpartum Cardiomyopathy.  I was rushed to the cardiac floor and put on all kinds of new meds.  Basically, it meant that the lower part of my heart was barely functioning.  They aren't sure what caused it - it may have been a problem I've had for a while, or it may have been caused by my extremely high blood pressure.  I couldn't pump breastmilk for Mackenzie, I couldn't go see her while connected to all the heart monitors.  It was awful.  My sister & sister-in-law were amazing.  They gave a gift that not many are able to do.  They gave Mackenzie their own breastmilk.  They pumped for me, so Mackenzie could have the best thing for her while she was so tiny.  I will love them forever and always for their gifts.

Fast-forward a couple weeks.  After my 10 or 11 day stay at the hospital, I was released to go home - without my baby.  After two weeks, my followup appointment with my cardiologist showed a miracle from God.  My heart was back to normal!  I had to stay on my meds for a year though, just in case.  As of today, though, my heart shows no signs of the trauma it went through just a short 3 years ago.  However, because of the conditions I had, both the ecclampsia (not just pre) & the cardiomyopathy, I was advised not to have any more children.  There's another big blow.  I always pictured having at least 2 kiddos and I was crushed to think that may not ever happen.

We made it through the traumatic times only by the grace of God.  The fact Mackenzie and I are here today is a miracle by itself.  I was supposed to be on the road with my sister to Idaho for a dear friend's wedding.  I was doing her makeup, and my sister was doing her hair.  If this all had happened on the road or just a day later (we planned to leave Wednesday morning), we might not be here today.  God is SO good.

And just look at her now!

Being goofy with Momma!

Mommy's birthday & Texas Roadhouse - sitting w/Daddy

My favorite pic of the two of us.

La la la la - Kenzie's world

Happy Birthday, my sweet Mackenzie!  Three years down, LOTS more to go!  I love you!

xoxo

Happy Birthday Mackenzie

Dear Mackenzie,

Three years couldn't have gone by any faster than these last three with you.  Your daddy and I have seen you grow, stumble (literally - remember that broken arm 2 years ago??), and really just blossom into a beautiful little girl.  I can't wait to see what the next 3 years bring.

I pray for you, Mackenzie, that you might know the Lord & his deep, great love for you.  I pray that you love him in return & learn to do good things in his wonderful name.  I pray for your future - for the man you might marry one day.  That he be blessed with the opportunity to grow up in a family of love, like you, and be taught to love the Lord with all his heart.  I pray that you never be tainted by the evils of this world.  It's a scary place and I pray that it never changes your sweet, innocent spirit.  

Thank you for loving your momma when I lose my temper with you.  You helped me to see the beauty in the little things.  I may not be the best momma out there, but I know that no one else could ever love you as much as I love you.  Never forget that!

And so, as you leave your "terrible" twos behind you and bound into your 3s and above, I pray for you that you remain safe and loved and keep getting and giving those "big squeezy hugs!"

I love you with all my heart,

Momma

high five for friday

Hey!  This is my first time linking up with Lauren From My Grey Desk to take part in her fun series called High Five for Friday!  If you're interested in knowing what it's all about or how to do it, click on the button on the right side of the screen.

Here are my 5 things from this week (& they are totally out of order, but who cares??):

 1. Went to 5 Guys with my dad for lunch yesterday - first time I've ever seen one of these!  I felt like I was blasted into the future with these soda machines!
 2. Mackenzie got to celebrate her 3rd birthday a couple days early with some of her favorite people, Aunt D & her cousins C & L.  She got (as you can see) a dress up outfit - Cinderella with a matching doll & all the accessories.  Needless to say, she LOVED it.  & had to sleep in the dress that night...
 3. My new sister got a new puppy - supposedly a beagle/lab mix.  She's so stinking adorable - her name is Bella - and they visited me in the office.  :-)
 4. Went to the pool during the early b-day celebration with cousins and aunt.  Fun times - until we had to get out of the pool!
 5. Monday afternoon, I got a "mom-n-meg" day - lunch + HP = f. u. n.  I made her promise to watch the movies with me (she always refused thinking they are evil lol) when she went to Orlando and got to experience the Harry Potter area before me.  She didn't even like Harry & she rubbed it in.  We're almost even now.  Just need to watch the last movie.  :-)

How was your week?

xoxo

New beginnings.

Hey there.  I'm not exactly new to the blogosphere.  I've tried it a few times & never really stuck with it.  I have a friend named Jen, and she encouraged me to get out there and just DO it!  So, here I am.  ;-)

I have a story that I want to tell.  At the end of my life, I hope it's a testament of my faith in God, even through life's ups & downs.  I've had my share of ups & downs & I haven't always leaned on God.  It's weird, because I believe in God & I know he loves me - but letting go of the controls is so hard!  Much easier said than done.  Sounds so cliche, but it's true.  So, anywhoodles, here's a quick (I think) rundown of my life story.

It all started in California - Orange, to be exact - on April 27th (should I admit it the year??) ok... 1985.  Can I brag & say I was a cutie patootie??  Oh, I think I just did.  Ah, well.  My family moved from Southern Cali to Northern Cali around when I was entering kindergarden.  We were involved in church (I can't remember a Sunday we didn't attend) & we sang in the children's choir.  I made some incredible friends who I still count among my small group of close friends today.  Even though I don't see or talk to them often, when I do, it's like no time has passed!

Fast forward to 1996, I was uprooted, had to leave my bird with my best friend, & moved across the country to a little ol' state called Kansas.  :-)  I have a smiley face here because I can smile after the fact.  Going through those experiences, I wouldn't dare enter a smiley!  My cat ran away (for 2 months - or 54 days to be exact, lol), I started battling depression & I had difficulty making new friends.  Between my sister & I, I'm definitely the introvert!  We moved to good ol' Missoura in 1997 & life started falling into place.  It wasn't always a bed of roses (like any teenagers life is, hah!) but I made friends, joined colorguard (the spinning flag, rifle, sabre, dance thing - not the army stuff) & breezed through high school.  

Blah blah, broke my toe in a jetski accident in 2003, blah blah met the love of my life, blah blah, got married... shush, I'm trying to shorten this already whopping story!  Drew and I were wed on June 2nd, 2006 - just celebrated our 6 year anniversary!  We bought our first home in 2007, had our first baby (more on that story later) in 2009, sold our first home this past July, & are now living in an apartment for a few years while saving up to buy a house the right way!

So, that's that.  Now you know pieces of my life story.  I see this blog as being mostly therapeutic to me, but also, I hope that it inspires someone.  It will be a cross between a "mommy blog" & the things I love the most - my faith, makeup, fashion, & anything else I can think up!  I think my next post will be dedicated to the most traumatic, but at the same time amazing, story of my life - the birth of my daughter, Mackenzie.  So stay tuned!

xoxo